The Curse of Clooney

Don’t do it ladies….but of course we would!

It’s one of the mysteries of the world – the eternal bachelor George Clooney.  He can have any woman in the world but chooses to have a bit of ALL women. 

I’ve hunted down Mr Clooney’s previous ‘relationships’:

Three months here, one year there, nine months, 5 years on and off, not even a month – hello??  This man has some serious issues!  And consequently, so must have the women who have dated him!

Serial womaniser is not the word.  From Kelly Preston (who later went on to marry John Travolta), to a marriage with actress Talia Balsam (matching flowing locks) to Mariella Frostrup (ha, bet you didn’t know that one!), Lisa Snowdon, Renee Zellweger, this man really cannot be tied down in any shape or form.

I may be harsh but Hollywood superstar or not, he is a really sad individual who feels the need to move from woman to woman when the mood suits him.

We keep doing it to ourselves hoping we can change a man, but whether they are 34, 28, 42 or even George’s devilishly handsome 50 years, when a man does not want to commit, there is no hell on earth than can make him do it.  But never, I hear you ask?  Yes, some people are just born this way.

Oh and George is onto it again…Stacy Keibler, a model turned wrestler, if anyone can pin him down she can.

I blame their mothers.

Ever lonely George?

Music is my first love and it will be my last

Pick any mood and you will find a song to fit into it. Some songs are just born to make you happy.  So here is my top ten to lift you off your gloomy ass and make you say - yeah, life is good!  

In no particular order: 

1.  I Feel Good by James Brown*
2.  Loving Each Day by Ronan Keating*
3.  Top of the World by The Carpenters*
4.  Don't Stop Till You Get Enough by Michael Jackson*
5.  Spinning Around by Kylie Minogue*
6.  Crazy in Love by Beyonce*
7.  Beautiful Day by U2*
8.  What A Feeling by Irene Cara*
9.  Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham!*
10.  I'm So Excited by The Pointer Sisters*


*Well you do, don't you?
*Love each day, not just Saturday and Sunday

*The sweet voice of Karen Carpenter....and her brother

*Just make sure you wear a jacket, some white gloves and moonwalk at the same time

*Just make sure you DO NOT wear the gold hot pants!

*Shake ya booty

*Rock out

*Leotard and gymnastics required

*Gotta have a bit of Wham!

*By this point, you will be very excited!

ENJOY!!

Holiday Happenings

  Going on holiday can be more stressful than staying at home with the British weather.  I mean, forget the 'have I remembered to turn off the hob, feed the cat, double lock the front door?' - it's the packing that can really send you over the edge.  Ever found yourself asking will I need my exfoliator, cotton buds, hair serum, tweezers, nail varnish remover, eye de-puffer, moisturiser, body louffer, whole body over-hauler??!!  I could go on but but you get my drift.

  Why hasn't something been invented that could just DO IT ALL?  Clean, wipe, smooth, remove, cover - surely it cannot be that difficult!

  It would solve a number of issues - luggage weight, under-eye baggage (if like me you are having sleepless nights about packing) and excess body baggage that I'd rather not be taking with me and trying to squeeze it into a two-piece that only gets worn for a fortnight once a year.

  And when there are two of you of the female kind, everything is doubled and spread across the hotel bathroom like Eddie Izzard's backstage dressing room.  Let me ask, has anyone been able to travel with a minimum of 3 beauty products?  If so, how in the world?!

Tanned and Beautiful

Bronzed beauties such as Farrah Fawcett, Elle MacPhearson and Jennifer Lopez have always soaked up the sun (or faked it) to achieve that sun-kissed glow.  It's skin that luminates, appears healthy and catches the light in a way that pale skin just doesn't.  Let's not forget how slimming it can make you look.



Bronzed Beauties

 On my most recent sun-worshipping holiday to Italy, I lay on the sun-lounger gazing lovingly at that round ball of fire to toast (or roast) my pale and uninteresting skin.  It wasn't all fun and games, when I discovered a red strip near my bikini strap - ouch!  Still, it was worth it when I was complimented on my healthy glow.

Before you shout my head off and tell me that I will age quicker and possibly develop melanoma, I will inform you that I used a relatively high sun factor but relaxed it a little to achieve my few weeks of radiant happiness - superficial as it is, I feel pretty damn fabulous! ;)

Stag Dos? Stag Don'ts

  There is something I don't like about Stag Dos.  Okay, so I have never been on one, don't have a bloke who has been on one but I kinda get the idea what they are about......Are they so bloody necessary?!  Boozing, ogling, boozing and more ogling.  I'll admit that not all are like that.  The issue I have is why do they feel the need to get on a plane and go abroad - Prague, Las Vegas, Sydney??!  Yes, those were just a few of the places I have heard about grooms-to-be going on their staaaaaags.  What is wrong with a small gathering in a bar/pub as they did in the 1960's?  Nothing!

  Let's compare it to some Hen Dos I have been to. A spa day, murder mystery and restaurant with belly dancing to name a few.  None of these required me to get on a plane, spend a small fortune and toast to the end of being a 'single'.  It's all a big show-off nowadays and it's going over the top. 

Warning - A stag on its way

  So, I vote to revolutionise the whole Staaaaag situ and would like to see men stay in for a night of charades and peanuts and if you really want to go wild, pull out the Scrabble for some competitive scoring.  Much more civilised!  Any takers?

Girl with a big heart: Size really DOES matter

Girl with a big heart: Size really DOES matter: "This is always a topic for discussion but I am not talking about the nether regions. I am talking about stature, from the floor to the ceil..."

Size really DOES matter

This is always a topic for discussion but I am not talking about the nether regions.  I am talking about stature, from the floor to the ceiling. Yes ladies, men’s height.  What is an acceptable height for a man to be a ‘man’ and not a midget?  Is it me or are men getting shorter?  I am, by no means, blessed in the height department myself being 5’3”, which is why I want to make this point.

I spend more time talking to men at my eye level than raising my head by a number of degrees and I am quite frankly disappointed.  I want to look up, gazingly at a man....and I also want to find him in a crowd.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a giant, gangly looking man but someone in between, a six footer would be ideal (I see you nod in agreement).  So, maybe I should move to Germany or a nordic country where men’s hairlines touch the clouds.  Try that out for size.

What to do on a rainy day

  Rain, rain go away, come back another d....actually, no, don't bother going anywhere.  Stay right there.  Keep on coming in fact.  Come down real hard.  I am going to sit on my sofa and watch you pour down hitting the window pane.

  Ah, it's the kind of sound that can soothe you right to sleep as well as making you bone idle all day long, watching trashy T.V. under the duvet.  But that's not what I did today, oooh no!  Instead, I went to the travel agents (who still does that nowadays?) and booked a holiday!  To somewhere hot and sunny I might add.  I do have to wait 5 weeks for the sun-rays to hit my back but I can do that!  And to add, I will buy an itsy bisty teeny weeny bikini to try and get into.....oh dear, maybe I shouldn't have done that part.

  So here is my top ten things to do on a rainy day (not in any particular order, but you may find it uplifting/depressing to do the top three!):


My rainy day



1.  Book a sunshine break

2.  Buy a bikini (aim to get into it by the following summer however)

3.  Imagine yourself in the bikini

4.  Watch the rain from indoors

5.  Watch people getting soaked (much more fun)

6.  Think about painting your kitchen units (yes, just think, no actual doing)

7.  Close your eyes (2-4 hours is reasonable)

8.  Eat and drink (well, you need to survive)

9.  Draw your curtains and open them a few times (just to check it is still raining)
10.  Now start hoping the rain stops....because you have run out of things to do.



A love affair with RED

RED  - what a colour.  Red roses, red nails, red lips, red dress even a red sky, it's nothing short of perfection evoking glamour and desire.  It's passionate, romantic and will stand you out of the crowd......ahhhh I could go on.

But can it be dangerous?  The red stop signs say so and stops us in our tracks.  Is that its sole purpose?  Don't! Stop! Trouble! Must not go there! Stay Clear!

Well, whatever it suggests to you, I vote we have an All Wear Red day, even if you are a red-head.  What do you think?

Dating: to compromise or not to compromise?

Dating: to compromise or not to compromise?

Damn! Damn! Damn!

    Do I really want to endure another three months of checking emails, winking, favouriting, instang chat - you know the drill - and having the same start up conversations that bore me to tears (Hi, my name is Susan (obviously not!) and blah, blah, blah!).  The answer is no.  So, when I forgot to cancel my automatic renewal on my online dating website, I screamed I'M AN IDIOT! GET ME OUTTA HERE!

   The telephone conversation with a highly-spirited, optimistic chap from overseas went something like this:

Me:  Hello, I am really sorry but I have just got back from a very relaxing Spa break and just missed out on calling you to cancel my online membership.

Mr Optimism:  Hello Ma'am, thank you for your call.  Your next three months started yesterday.

Me:  Right.....well, you see. I really didn't get a chance to call and cancel so I am wondering if you can do that for me? (said very sweetly)

Mr Optimism: Sorry Ma'am, there is nothing we can do.  The money has been taken out.

Me:  I know, but you see, I would really like a refund as I don't want to be online anymore.

Mr Optimism:  There is nothing I can do, Ma'am.

(A few more minutes of me pleading.....then.......)

Me:  IT'S NOT WORKING FOR ME!  I HAVE BEEN ON COUNTLESS DATES AND THE CALIBRE OF MEN ON THERE IS VERY DISAPPOINTING!  Now, I think I am attractive, you can have a look at my profile for yourself.

Mr Optimism:  Yes Ma'am I can see your picture - you look very nice.

Me: Yes I do. (Well, what's a bit of modesty?)

Mr Optimism: I am not sure why you haven't had any luck.

Me:  WELL NEITHER DO I! So you can understand my frustration.

Mr Optimism: Why don't you just have another go and I am sure there is someone out there for you?

Me: (at this point, I am thinking, does this man have any clue?!)  No, I don't think it is the right thing for me so I would appreciate it if you can offer me something for my trouble as I have been a very loyal serial online dater (said in so many words)

Mr Optimism:  I will see what I can do........

(Goes off to speak to his supervisor while I have to listen to 'All by myself' being played.  How very appropriate).

Mr Optimism:  Ma'am, we will offer you one month free after this.

Me:  Well, how very generous of you. Thanks but no thanks. 

Help.....what am I going to do with another 3 months?  I think I would rather eat my left shoe whilst juggling with knives on a tight-rope.

Why or why or why

   I'm not sure why I bother to go out some nights....they are more hassle than they are worth.  But why? you ask.  Well, because, quite frankly, if I am not on a date, then I am bumping into a previous date and that is NOT fun!  Especially when one hasn't bothered to get back to you after four dates.  Okay, fine, his perogative you say, well, sod that!  That is plain rude! 

  Still, my only pleasure of the evening was watching him squirm over the shoulder of my current date.  Yes, I will look at you and make you feel uncomfortable, you time-waster!

  The date I was on? Oh yeah, I didn't fancy him and he was boring.  Even though I tried desperately to look interested in missile making (that is what he did for a living - counteracting terrorism!).