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Saturday 28 May 2011

A love affair with RED

RED  - what a colour.  Red roses, red nails, red lips, red dress even a red sky, it's nothing short of perfection evoking glamour and desire.  It's passionate, romantic and will stand you out of the crowd......ahhhh I could go on.

But can it be dangerous?  The red stop signs say so and stops us in our tracks.  Is that its sole purpose?  Don't! Stop! Trouble! Must not go there! Stay Clear!

Well, whatever it suggests to you, I vote we have an All Wear Red day, even if you are a red-head.  What do you think?

Wednesday 25 May 2011

Damn! Damn! Damn!

    Do I really want to endure another three months of checking emails, winking, favouriting, instang chat - you know the drill - and having the same start up conversations that bore me to tears (Hi, my name is Susan (obviously not!) and blah, blah, blah!).  The answer is no.  So, when I forgot to cancel my automatic renewal on my online dating website, I screamed I'M AN IDIOT! GET ME OUTTA HERE!

   The telephone conversation with a highly-spirited, optimistic chap from overseas went something like this:

Me:  Hello, I am really sorry but I have just got back from a very relaxing Spa break and just missed out on calling you to cancel my online membership.

Mr Optimism:  Hello Ma'am, thank you for your call.  Your next three months started yesterday.

Me:  Right.....well, you see. I really didn't get a chance to call and cancel so I am wondering if you can do that for me? (said very sweetly)

Mr Optimism: Sorry Ma'am, there is nothing we can do.  The money has been taken out.

Me:  I know, but you see, I would really like a refund as I don't want to be online anymore.

Mr Optimism:  There is nothing I can do, Ma'am.

(A few more minutes of me pleading.....then.......)

Me:  IT'S NOT WORKING FOR ME!  I HAVE BEEN ON COUNTLESS DATES AND THE CALIBRE OF MEN ON THERE IS VERY DISAPPOINTING!  Now, I think I am attractive, you can have a look at my profile for yourself.

Mr Optimism:  Yes Ma'am I can see your picture - you look very nice.

Me: Yes I do. (Well, what's a bit of modesty?)

Mr Optimism: I am not sure why you haven't had any luck.

Me:  WELL NEITHER DO I! So you can understand my frustration.

Mr Optimism: Why don't you just have another go and I am sure there is someone out there for you?

Me: (at this point, I am thinking, does this man have any clue?!)  No, I don't think it is the right thing for me so I would appreciate it if you can offer me something for my trouble as I have been a very loyal serial online dater (said in so many words)

Mr Optimism:  I will see what I can do........

(Goes off to speak to his supervisor while I have to listen to 'All by myself' being played.  How very appropriate).

Mr Optimism:  Ma'am, we will offer you one month free after this.

Me:  Well, how very generous of you. Thanks but no thanks. 

Help.....what am I going to do with another 3 months?  I think I would rather eat my left shoe whilst juggling with knives on a tight-rope.

Tuesday 24 May 2011

Why or why or why

   I'm not sure why I bother to go out some nights....they are more hassle than they are worth.  But why? you ask.  Well, because, quite frankly, if I am not on a date, then I am bumping into a previous date and that is NOT fun!  Especially when one hasn't bothered to get back to you after four dates.  Okay, fine, his perogative you say, well, sod that!  That is plain rude! 

  Still, my only pleasure of the evening was watching him squirm over the shoulder of my current date.  Yes, I will look at you and make you feel uncomfortable, you time-waster!

  The date I was on? Oh yeah, I didn't fancy him and he was boring.  Even though I tried desperately to look interested in missile making (that is what he did for a living - counteracting terrorism!).