Chemistry in the City

A touch of spark is all that is required

If you have experienced any of the following: belly flopping laughter; a ton of stuff in common; talking to the early hours;  all night to-the-earth-and-back rocket sex, then chances are you are one of the lucky ones who have experienced CHEMISTRY. 

It’s the kind of stuff that everyone is looking for in a date.  You know it’s there because something is drawing the two of you together.  It may only be one thing – but it sure to hell can work a treat.  My lover and I have this immense physical chemistry that most people only dream about. It’s fair to say that we simply cannot keep our hands off each other.  But that’s a whole other story…

In pursuit of finding another kind of chemistry, I dug out an old date.  He is very sweet, thoughtful, kind and keen to settle down.  We had stayed as friends and knowing that I don’t fancy him, I got thinking about looking beyond the physical side of things.  I thought maybe after 12 months, things may go differently this time.  Well, he still looked the same, in fact, maybe a little shorter (or my six foot one lover made him look shorter?)  Could I possibly create this ‘chemistry’ through our mutual compassionate nature and likeability factor? 

I gave it a shot.  Date 1 (second time around) went like this:  I asked him about his new job (yawn); we talked about holidays (mine), he asked me about my family (yawn again) and he talked about hanging around with his married sister and her baby most Saturdays, where people thought they were a couple – WEIRD!

Not a good start.  Still, I pursued it with a few cocktails down me to help things along a bit.  Then, his jokes started.   Not the ‘Knock, knock‘ jokes, just taking the piss kind of stuff.  Now I’m all for that…when you can actually make me laugh.   I smiled, sniggered, chuckled even, and at times, had to force a few giggles out.  I have been on numerous dates where I can honestly say guys have made me laugh out loud and those are the dates that I have enjoyed the most.  So without that happening, I’m afraid it was going to be a losing battle. 

Fear not.  Date 2 – second time around (maybe we were both on the nervous side on Date 1 – second time around??), we had dinner and more cocktails.  He paid me so many compliments but for some reason, I didn’t want to hear them.  He even got me a cocktail called ‘Oscar Angel Face’ saying it was just right for me.  When I said I was thirsty, he stood at the bar for ages to get me a glass of water.  Aaaaaaah, I hear you say.  Oh dear, in my pursuit of this ‘chemistry’, I may have led this guy up the garden path.  It just didn’t work.  By the way, did I tell you that his phone screen saver is his sister's baby 3D scan from 10 months ago?  Taxi!!!

So, I couldn’t create this chemistry with him but I am still left wondering whether it is something that can be built.  If there is attraction, common goals and similarities between two people, then maybe chemistry is something that can be developed over time.

David Givens Ph.D, anthropologist and author of Love Signals says, “You can create chemistry. Ordinary courtship goes over a period of weeks and months, and it builds up and adds up and eventually you get this kind of chemical bonding. Eye contact and discussing personal subjects can accelerate this chemical bond”.

I certainly know lots of people who will say that if it is not there instantly, if you do not feel the ‘ping’, then walk away and don’t try and force it.

If like me, you find it difficult to tell whether chemistry is there, then ask some of your nearest and dearest to tell you what their definition of chemistry is.  Here is what they said to me:

“You feed off each other in a positive way”

“It’s that feeling of comfort right off the bat with someone, feeling like you've known them a long time even if you haven't. It's almost like you can feel them even without touching them”

“You get butterflies in your tummy. You feel weak at the knees. But more than that you connect in such a way that everyone around you thinks you’re crazy”

“It’s like a natural closeness, comfortable silences”

“Just like a chemical equation, chemistry between two people must be balanced. The feelings are mutual and just like in normal chemistry; some things are just naturally drawn together and stick together. Keep in mind, some things are easily separated and some things are almost impossible to keep apart...”

“They are like great friends, and treat each other that way. One doesn't always have to be right, just able to communicate it correctly”

“To be able to have that kind of conversation, into the dying years, you will need a good partner who will converse with you”

“The only person that knows if chemistry is there is you”

I won’t be the only one to know if it’s there, the whole world will hear about it too.  Now, where is that one person to help me feel it…?